


iColumbine

by dailynightly



Category: Columbine - Fandom, iCarly
Genre: Crack, Crossover, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 09:48:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11780613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dailynightly/pseuds/dailynightly
Summary: Eric loves iCarly. So Does Dylan. That's how they meet. But after an incident in the cafeteria, Brooks is out to get Eric, but he also must find a way to steal his best friend Dylan back from Eric's grasp.





	iColumbine

**Author's Note:**

> idk what this is its 3 am and im tired as shit enjoy

The name is Eric. I'm 18 and go to columbine hs aka the worst school in the WORLD. The only thing that keeps me sane is the extremely popular Nickelodeon show icarly. Miranda Cosgrove is hot and someday she will be my Wife, although I wouldn't mind making Jennette McCurdy my wife too.

I'd never admit to liking icarly though because all of the jocks like icarly and i am NOT A JOCK.

Anyways, I was sitting in the cafeteria across from brooks. Hes my worst enemy. He HATES icarly but he LOVES Miranda and he thinks hes gonna marry her instead of me. Newsflash asshole!! You look like a soggy paper towel and I look like god himself. Brooks is a hoe. I dont fucking like him. <

I put the hood of my hoodie up and yanked the strings, making my entire head disappear. I pull my arms into my hoodie and pull out my phone. (Which is an android btw!! Only jocks use iphones.) This way no one will see me watching icarly and call me a stupid brainless jock. I turn on my least favorite episode- igoodbye. For some reason, Im in the mood to cry today and this episode always does it to me.

I cry so hard the tears make the phone slip from my hands and fall onto the cafeteria floor. The episode is still playing and the volume is at full blast. My entire face turns so red that I look like icarlys blood soaked maxi pad. I hide my face in my hands out of embarrassment and scream as loud as I fucking can, attempting to drown out the sound of icarly so no one hears it and laughs at me.

You see, I would just reach down and grab my phone, but that would require me to put my hoodie back on normally and reach down to pick it up. I cant do that because people will think Im crying just like a little bitch and Eric Harris is NOT a little bitch. Instead, I continue screaming and howling to drown out the sound of icarly, making the cafeteria sound like a shelter full of cats in heat.

Suddenly, I feel a finger tapping lightly on my shoulder. I squeal like a motherfucker and rip my hood down. I see my reflection in the mans sunglasses. My eyes are bloodshoot and snot is running down my face. Maybe I AM a little bitch.

The stranger takes off his glasses in one quick swipe and places them on top of his head. He hands me my phone while staring into my eyes. We lock gazes for what seems like forever.

Finally, he speaks up. "I fucking love icarly."

"B-but, you dont look like a jock. Only jocks like icarly!" I reply.

"Are you a jock?" He asks.

"FUCK NO YOU GARGANTUAN SPONGECAKE!"

I chuck my lunch try at his head but he ducks. Instead, the lunch tray launches across the cafeteria and hits brooks in the back of the head as hes dumping his tray.

I try to hide behind the giant fucking man in front of me but brooks still spots me. He knows its my tray because Im the only kid in the entire school that still drinks juicy juice boxes. You know, the ones with Arthur on them. I fucking love Arthur.

I immediately jump up and attempt to run out of the cafeteria, but some asshole tied my shoelace to the leg of the chair. I trip and fall flat on my face. Stupid mother fuckers! Brooks was now face to face with me and steam was coming out of his ears like a cartoon character. Everyone backed away but some of the jocks were taking pics on their phones to share to Instagram or Snapchat. BOOOO go fuck yourselves!

"Youre gonna pay for that!" Brooks growled in a low-pitched demonic voice.

I helplessly looked over at the tall blonde stranger who smiled back at me. He pulled out a DVD of iFight Shelby Marx from his trenchcoat. I smiled. Im Carly and Brooks is Shelby Marx. Shelby Marx aint shit.

"What the fuck are you smiling at? Didnt you hear me! Youre gonna pay for that you fuck!" This time his voice sounded like Bill from King of the Hill for some reason.

"Kiss my ass, Brooks. I aint paying for shit!" Hohohohoho

I spit at his feet and ripped off my hoodie and shirt and then I jumped up on the table like Gibby from Icarly. Everyone cheered and the huge ass stranger with the trenchcoat joined me. (He didn't take his shirt off though because he was too shy)  
  
"I'm Dylan!" He shouted over the cheering.   
  
"I'm Eric!"   
  
"Dylan don't talk to that fuckin clown!" Brooks screamed from the ground.   
  
Dylan jumped off the table, grabbed a chair, chucked it at brooks, and then climbed back up on the table to join me again.   
  
He grabbed my hand and we continued dancing Gibby style. After a few seconds, other kids joined in. Brooks let out the loudest scream he could, cracking the walls and breaking the windows. No one gave a shit. But Brooks wasn't done. He wasn't giving up without a fight.   



End file.
